It's that kind of day

I'm eating chocolate chips out of the peanut butter jar because my just-about-4 year old just pee'd all over me, himself, and half the bathroom including floor, walls, heater.  While we, ahem, I mean I was cleaning that up, he was crying that the floor was too cold to sit on to take off his pants.  So I stopped to do that, now he has no pants on, I'm still trying to clean up pee.  He's running around happy to be naked.  I can't imagine where he got the nudest streak from.  (shifting from foot to foot looking completely innocent)

Oh wait, what? While this was going on the dog ate his dinner off the table and knocked over the cup of milk? Of course he did.  He's the size of a horse and it's not even a small stretch to reach unattended food.  He also has a sensitive stomach so there will be land mines the size of basketballs in the yard later.  Gag!

I'm actually pretty sure my usually happy-go-lucky toddler has been replaced with a demon child.  Have you seen The Omen? He's currently losing his shit because the sleeve of his underneath shirt is sticking out longer than the sleeve of his sweatshirt.  He's forgotten how to ask for things and instead screams like he's facing certain death when he needs anything.  Like for instance, 5 minutes ago, I ran to the living room from the kitchen amidst hysterical screaming.  The remote fell on the floor and he couldn't reach it without taking his arm out of the blanket.  Do they make Snuggie's for children?

With a combined 3 hours of sleep over the last 2 nights, I feel I am ready to no longer be an adult.  Alcoholism, fatness, and a complete lack of pants is looking pretty good right now.  So, if you need me, you can find me in my blanket fort, drinking wine.  I may or may not be wearing pants.

Updates

Forgive me Blogger for I have sinned.  I've also forgot to blog for oh....I don't know...three years or so? I have to say before anything else, I've missed you Blog. You are my confidant, my soundboard, my grounding force where I can just let loose all the crap that flies around in my head without fear of judgement.  You don't care what I write, you happily accept all my random thoughts, grammatical errors, and spelling mistakes.

Quick recap of the past three years.

Daughter (D) is 19 almost 20.
D has nodules on her thyroid that are potentially cancerous. FUCK!
Son (S) is 3 almost 4.
I'm married (H)...for now.
I'm going to look at a house for sale on Monday without H's knowledge.  Looking for an escape.
I have a new job working provincially instead of Federally. Yay!
My boss is crazy attractive and that sucks ass.  Why couldn't he be an asshole and completely hideous.
I have a low functioning thyroid and potential for Rheumatoid Arthritis and crazy bad digestive issues.
I gave up gluten...mostly.  I fail sometimes and give in to temptation when it's something just so completely delicious, like cake, usually I have PMS, which I always regret. Always! Not the PMS, although I can do without that, but the cake. I guess I could do without that as well.
I'm 20 lbs overweight.  grr
I have PMS right now.
Can't decide if I want to fuck something, fuck something up, eat something, cry, or kill something.
I am a yoga teacher.  MUST. MEDITATE. NOW!
I am almost a personal trainer but I may not finish that.
My family is more fucked up than I thought which I discovered this past christmas.
I've rediscovered running and ran a half marathon last year.  No time or desire to run a full or even another half, but 10 is a good constant.
I swear a lot more than I used too.
Did I mention I have PMS? RIGHT NOW?
UGH, I'll be back.
Night!