Temperary Insantiy

Have you ever followed your gut on a whim, tossed caution to the wind, jumped in head first without testing the waters first, when every other part of you says, "maybe this isn't the best way to go about it".

Guess what? B and I just bought a house in Charlottetown, and we are quitting our jobs and moving to the island. I am going to attempt a business of my own in our new home, and B is going to try and set up his own business providing alternative energy to home owners. Lets outline just how insane this is.

1: We bought a house that is affordable at our current combined salary, of which, we are giving up.
2: Said house is sprawling and over 120 years old, and needs a lot of work and heat...expensive oil heat.
3: I am moving to an island notorious for it's clicky social networks and very unfriendly to "mainlanders" who move there. I know no one there, I will be an outsider.
4: I have NO job, NO money, NO friends, just a big gigantic house in the center of town with a giant mortgage, and a teenager relying on me to provide her with a comfortable and safe life style.

No matter, I'm super exited to go. It's an adventure and something new. When I look around myself at work in my little cubical and see all the other far too familiar cubicles with same walls, same photos of our kids, spouses, cups of pens, post it notes stuck to everything and the same tired bored faces staring blankly at giant computer monitors, or when I walk through the familiar front doors to the building with the same squeaky hinge, or go use the same old bathroom stall for what's probably the millionth time (without the joy of balloons and streamers for being the one millionth customer), I can't help but think how awful it would be, and how depressed I'd be, if I was still here 20 years from now.

I'm giving up Federal Government salary, pension, job security. I could retire from here and live a fairly comfortable existence until that time, but dammit, I don't think I'd survive it emotionally. I'd find myself a hollow empty shell, living day to day like a robot with no ability to think, feel, imagine anything other than what I'm told to. I have nightmares about the mustard coloured, padded walls of my cubical coming in on me.

Well no more, I'm bustin' outta here baby and I'm not looking back!!! Is it worth the risk? Hells ya! And those stuffy islanders that don't like us folks "from away" coming in to their communities and taking their jobs, they can all stuff it, and I'm going to get in everyone's face until they like me and accept me as one of their own. I'll make pies for my neighbours if I have to.

Front of the house

The studio space in our house. NOTE: that's not my furniture. That belongs to the current owner. We don't take possession until Aug 20.

Other side of my studio space.

There's so many more pictures, but I'd be here all day at it. I'll post more once I'm moved in and I have it set up as I want it.

On another note, I just read over my post looking for grammatical and spelling errors, of which I'm sure there are many but I'm not going to correct them, and noticed that the circles on the background start to feel like they are moving around in my peripheral vision, making it difficult to read the post, much in the same way as it is to watch the hockey Night in Canada commentary while trying shield your eyes from the likes of Don Cherry. Bless his Canadian heart but holy jeez he's hard to look at.

Cheers all, I hope you're having a fantastic summer.
McB

Class "A"

Guess what? I just spent about $600 to get a tiny little letter "A" put onto my drivers license. WHAT? What does that mean you ask? It means...drumroll...I can drive a motorcycle. Not just any motorcycle mind you, but any size motorcycle too. I'm not sure if it's the same everywhere but there is two levels of riders here. Class 'D' which is a license for 550 cc's and below and Class 'A' which is all sizes. I took my test on a 650 cc something-or-other-bike-that-the-name-fails-me-but-was-green. It was heavy compared to the little bikes we learned on. I was terrified, shaking, a complete mess and did horrible on my test due to being so stressed out, but I passed. YEAH! I was so exited I felt like barfing.

I took a weekend course that consisted of two evenings and two full days, over a four day period and passed the course. Then, took the test with the driver examiner and passed again. What a grueling and expensive experience but I'm soo happy I did it. I'm very exited to hit the open road and really work up my confidence on two wheels. Vroom vroom !

So far, that's my latest news and all's I gots for now.

OH WAIT..I just read Flash's Blog. I love it, it's very entertaining. He had a bit about cleaning up for the public. Not those words, but something to the effect of just taking pride in yourself. I have to share this tid bit cuz I am soo guilty. SOO SOOO guilty.

Not too long ago, I was at home during the day. This is rare as I have a job with a boss that insists I show up or not get paid. Wierd eh? Anyways, so I'm home and watching "What Not to Wear" on TLC. Anyone ever watch that show? The premise being that they stalk and subsequently attack an unsuspecting innocent person that is unfortunately lacking in any sort of fashion sense, and completely lacking in self grooming skills, and then make her over with a brief training lesson, a new hair cut, new make up, and a credit card with money on it to go buy an entire new wardrobe. Well, I was watching this show one afternoon and they were secretly video taping this woman who was wearing a pair of sweat pants, ugly old slippers, a baggy shirt and had messy hair and gasp...much to my horror, I slowly looked down to realize I was wearing the exact...same...outfit...it's disgraceful.

And you know what? I tried the whole grain raspberry muffin from Tim Horton's (coffee shop and cult phenomenon in Canada for those of you from away) and was disappointed. I saw it on the shelf one day like a gleaming beacon of light calling me towards it. Once I had that first bite of dry grainy blandness, I knew I had just wasted my hard earned dollar something or other. I was tempted to throw the muffin back at the cook in the back and insist on them giving me something that was actually edible but alas, I was in the car with E (my supervisor) on the way back to work by the time I had started eating it. I didn't think E wanted to go all the way back to Tim's nor did I think he'd appreciate me tossing the muffin out the window and screaming obscenities at passers-by about how discusting the raspberry muffin from Tim's really was. Next time I'll have pie.

Favourite couple so far

SO, it's the beginning of wedding season and I have a couple weddings, one of which is my brother....I'm on the fence about this. I think my brother is great, and his fiancé is fantastic, but I just don't think he's ready. He can barely take care of himself. Just my opinion and for now, I'll keep it to myself, well, with the exception of the blog. Jumpins I like the blog for blurting out stuff you shouldn't. ha ha

Anyhoo, this couple is getting married this summer. June 28 to be exact and these are some of their engagement photos. They were so easy to work with, I really enjoyed it, they were so much fun, and they made it easy for me to dip my toes back in the water so to speak. It's easy to get out of practice when you don't do it for a long time. It's NOT like riding a bike. Technology changes, what's in style changes, you lose your ability to shmooze (very important for making subjects relax) Anyways, these are some of my more favourite ones.

Farts

I'm posting this picture of the orchid in my kitchen. I'm hoping it will off set my impending comment about farting in my cubicle which I just did. It stinks and I'm silently sitting here hoping no one around me can smell it.

What's new.. um, I'm finally getting out of the public service. YEAH! but wait, oh nooo, no more paycheck, benefits up the ying yang...crap, is this such a great move? B is posted to NS but we don't want to go, so he's getting out of the army and taking a Windmill Technician's course in PEI. Combined with his mechanical engineering degree, he hopes to start his own company someday specializing in alternative energy sources. Windmills being one of them, also solar power is a big interest to him too. What does this mean for me? I'm leaving Fredericton, NB and moving to an island the size of a small booger where I probably wont find another federal government job, or any decent job for that matter unless I want to take up lobster fishing but then, I think there's a limit to licenses so that might be out too. Sigh!

The good news: I am going to finally open my own studio. YES YES YEEESSS!! I am going to be my own boss and I am going to do what I love. We have been fervently gathering supplies while we both still have jobs so that I'll be ready to kick off a new life with everything I need to run my own photography business. All that's left is some backdrops, no problem, I can do that. Some studio lights, which are going to cost a fortune, but I plan to get a location kit so it is more versatile and can be used at home or on location. This is the kit I've picked out after much research. Bowens Ultimately I have no idea what to buy. I only know how to use them, not pick out quality. If anyone out there knows about this stuff can you let me know your opinion or offer any suggestions re:studio lights? I'm going to have to drive to the US to get them but it'll be well worth it as they will cost over $3000.00 here.

Also, when we move to PEI, we are hoping to find a fixer-upper. Ultimately I'd like to find an older home with lots of character and fantastic wood work and moldings. Wood floors too. It will give me something to do while I'm not photographing people. All this of course is determined also by whether or not B and I actually succeed in baby making. So far, no go, and the longer it goes, the more I don't want to do it, if only because our future is currently on hold financially and caring for a baby while unemployed and trying to start up my own business doesn't sound all that appealing. It ALSO seriously puts a damper on my hopes and dreams of one day becoming a rock star or lounge singer.

Update: ACK It's too late, I bought the Bowens Location Kit. I bought it via Hunts Photo in NH so in a few weeks I'll be making the trek to New Hampshire to pick it up. I'm stoked. NO TAX !!

Soo sleeepy

Ok, so I went for lunch and ate a HUGE plate of shame, but oh boy was it ever good. First, I had a really great steak, cooked perfectly (not shameful), a Greek salad (also not terribly shameful) and then cheesecake rolled up in flower tortilla's and deep fried, accompanied by whip cream and caramel sauce. Blech, it was discusting...NOT! OH my GOD it was soo good, but now I can barely stay awake at my desk and I fear the well being of the button on my pants. They are a tad stressed at the moment.

What else is new... B still doesn't know if he wants to stay in the army and take the posting to Nova Scotia or if he wants to take a Windmill Technitians course and work on Windmills. The course is in Prince Edward Island. I've already decided that I am going to persue my photography regardless of where we go but I'd like to know where we're going to go. I really would like to know.

We're trying to sell the house and have had an enourmous amount of people come through it, but no one is making offers. They're all just sitting on it cuz it's a buyers market. FACK, I'm so tired of cleaning the flush every day. ARG!

We've been trying to have a baby but so far we've not been successful. Maybe I'm just not meant to have any more kids. I had my daughter my mistake and now I can't seem to get it right, even with all the timing and patients in the world. I can handle the disappointment of not succeeding just yet as we have a lot on our plates right now, but I swear, if one more person gives me some advice on how to "Do it" and then procedes to tell me how easy it is, I'm going to haul off my own special can of whoop ass, cuz it's NOT easy, cuz it DOESN'T just happen like it did for all the do-gooder well wishers that keep telling me I must be doing something wrong. Ahem, excuse me, but I'm pretty sure we have the deed down just fine. No amount of standing on my head, drinking green tea, praying to the Gods, doing back flips in bed with pillows propped here and there with a thermometer shoved up my ass are going to work unless my body says "Yes, I'll play your game and let you have a baby".

I'm going to get my motorcycle liscence. I'm pretty stoked. I write my permit test tomorrow and beginning of June I take the course and finish with my road test. It's going to be GREAT! One good reason to not be preggers. We have a 1972 Honda CB450 with 69 body panels sitting in the garage just waiting for me. Well it's also waiting for a new back tire but it's coming, it's on order.

The picture isn't our bike, just one I found on the internet, but soon as I'm on it, there will be photos.

OH, and my pet peeve of the day is drivers that tail-gate. Why do they do that? It's not like I'm not going to drive faster if they're driving on my ass (I'll go slower, I swear I will, just out of spite) It'll just piss me off and create a hazzard. Idiots. I can't believe how many people do it too. Even some of my friends do it, and I bite my tongue when I am a passanger in the car with them, but it pisses me off like nobodies business. Fuckwhits

Riiiigghtt

So ya, I'm like unbelievably bad at posting of late...lately...since like forever... I have no excuse, no good reason. I have plenty of time on my hands at work (shh don't tell), I have plenty to talk about, and plenty of new stuff going on. Like I said, no good reason.

Hmm today, my stomach is a bit upset. Not sure if it's something I ate or a bug going around. I'm hoping for something I ate, that way, it'll work it's way through quickly (it's already started) and once it's gone, it's gone, unlike a bug which likes to attack you for days on end, potentially.

I took two weeks off from work for stress leave (this place is shit, not be mistaken with "the shit", it's just shit) and ended up working my ass of the whole time cuz B is posted this summer and we have to sell the house, so his dad came to visit and we painted, cleaned, gutted, and staged the house. Not a square inch of it wasn't untouched. It was exhausting. I needed a stress leave from my stress leave. I developed a twitch. People thought I was joking when I mentioned it but really, I have a twitch. My right eye lid kinda flutters from time to time. Some days more than others. It's down to about 10 or so twitches a day from an almost constant twitch 3 weeks ago, so it's getting better.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do once we move. We are going to Greenwood Nova Scotia, which I hear is beautiful but beautiful doesn't give me a job. I think I am going to stock pile as much camera gear as possible and set a studio. I've always wanted to do that and be available to do more than just weddings. I love portrait work. Also, the area of N.S. commonly known as the Annapolis Valley is gorgeous in the summer so I may take lost of nature shots and see if I can sell them. I'm looking at a good lighting set up. An on-location 3 light system. They are expensive but necessary. If anyone has good suggestions for a brand, or good place to buy used, do tell. I'm not a light snob, just want quality to last, and it is definitely ok to be pre-loved as long as it was taken care of.

So what's new with all of you? What's going on? I suppose I could actually read some blogs and find out eh? Jumpins, I'm so freaking lazy. I think just depressed feeling like I don't have any control over my own life and hating my desk job and what not... I know, whine whine whine... just get over it eh? I'm trying. Really, I'm trying. I've gotten back going to the gym and trying to run outside now that it's getting nice out, thank GOD, and hoping to get back into uber shape so my summer clothes fit and my brain releases all those great seritonins that make you feel great!

Miss you all, and I'll see you at your blogs real soon.

Oh Goodness I am horrible

This is Farley, he's our new cat. We saved him from the SPCA. He has been dubbed the most expensive cat ever. He has urinary track disease and cost us a pretty bundle at the vet, on top of the initial fee of getting him from the SPCA plus the food (special dietary food), plus the litter box, which he doesn't fit in, plus the scoop for the litter, the collar, the name tag, the mat in front of the litter bin (Yes, we are using a rubbermaid bin for a litter) right before Christmas to save him. But he sure has some kind of personality. He's also giant.

I am horrible. I haven't blogged in forever. If I blogged more often I could have smaller blog entries cuz I'd have less to say...maybe!

Anyways, today I finally got the blog bug after so long cuz "I am facking cold" I've told 3 people I'm moving to Australia, thinking it would be obvious why at minus 5000 degrees, but no, they've all said "Have you been watching the Australian open?" No damnit, cuz I'd just end in tears seeing all those Australians in their shorts and tshirts. I still, for the life of me, can't figure out why I live in facking New Brunswick in facking Canada when it gets this facking cold. We already had our cold snap, why are we having another one? Have I mentioned I hate the cold? This isn't just the usual kinda, "Jeez I really hate cauliflower and would rather not eat it" type of hate, this is a deep seeded, bitter, angry and resentful type of hate towards cold.

Here's the dog. She's the same pitiful canine as always. Forever looking like someone just stole her best friend. She's insanely jealous of the cat and sulks more than usual. I'm showing this picture cuz just before Christmas (really bad financial timing) we bought me some new camera gear. I got two new lenses (faster than what I had and infinitely better), a really great flash that pretty much does the work for me, and a battery grip, which I must say, is mostly for asthetics cuz it makes my camera body huge and thus more impressive, thus justifying a bigger fee for services rendered. So ya, I've decided to dip my toe a little deeper in the photography world and start working towards getting away from the cubicle nightmare that is my job.

I'm on a diet. Yes, a diet. I have Christmas ass** It needs to go. The tipping point was when I ripped a hole in my fat day pants. It wasn't pretty. I never stopped working out over the holidays, I just ate more. The weight isn't noticable to other people (so they say, lying bastards, but I love them all for trying to make me feel better), but I notice it. SO, I'm on a diet...and I'm consistantly hungry, making me cranky, and OH MY GOD, I want a cheeseburger washed down with an ice cream Sunday. Instead, I have an orange, and when I'm done that, I can go to the gym...again...and come back and eat salad, oh yes, salad, a nice big bowl of water that comes in different sizes and shapes called vedetables.

**Christmas ass: Can be defined as "my ass, only bigger" directly caused by consuming entirely too many delicious goodies at Christmas time.

To sum up, I'm hungry, I'm cold, and I'm trapped in a cubical that is litterally surrounded by other cubicals. The day can only go up from this point. :-)