Science Report

Residents of Fredericton, NB were startled Sunday afternoon after an earth shattering boom went off at roughly 3pm local time. Passersby and neighbors could only speculate what the noise was, some went as far as to peg alien's as the culprit.

Local officials are conducting an investigation into the disturbance. A full report will not be published until all the findings are complete. "After our initial search, we've discovered the source of the noise was a satellite crashing to the earth" says local scientist Omarr Bergdorph Shinnanigan of the University of Nincompoops in the nearby village of idiots. Shinnanigan goes on to report that "the satellite may have fallen due to sunlight reflecting off a ridiculously bright object on the earth, thus concentrating the solar energy by 1,000 and creating a malfunction in the satellite's navigation, causing it to crash through the earth's atmosphere and veer to it's imminent death at speeds beyond human cognition. "

Local officials have declared that the most likely culprit was this ridiculously bright object:Ok, but seriously folks, I had this total brain fart that I would paint the picnic table some funky retro colours to make it more interesting. You can see it from SPACE!! I don't think this photo accurately depicts just how bright it is, but when the sun shines on it, you can't go near it. My mother is visiting and said she couldn't eat her dinner as her retinas were burning. I have since rectified the problem by painting over the green with a beige and leaving a small trim around the half circles on the seat in green. It's a great green colour, just not in that amount.

You know you're in for a doozy of a day when you go to the washroom at 11:15 am to pee, only to discover your underwear have been on backwards all morning. No wonder they felt weird.

Gotta go folks,
later gaters